Aging Parents Support Blog

Alzheimer’s is indeed a devastating diagnosis for anyone. Much fear is associated with it, as there is, unfortunately no cure as yet. You can encourage your father to talk about how it feels among your family members. You can offer to accompany him to an Alzheimer’s support group. You can offer your reassurance to him that you’ll be with him on this journey in his life, and that you will see to it that he is safe.

I suggest that you encourage him to have all legal documents he needs updated and available to the family, for his peace of mind and yours. It can also be helpful for everyone in the family to educate yourselves about Alzheimer’s Disease, using your local community resources and the Alzheimer’s Association, which is a very good source of information for all of you.

Finally, it is wise to spend as much time together as you can, enjoying the things that your father and your family like to do. This disease will cause a progressive loss of memory. It is important for the family to enjoy the moment, and to have as many positive experiences as you can with your father for as long as he is able to participate. Even if he forgets what happened a short time later, one needs to practice living for right now when you are with him. Remember that now is the time to plan for the future needs of your father with your family, don’t wait for a medical crisis.

Grieving over the loss of a spouse is one of the most difficult things we go through in life. It is very individual, and can take a year, or longer, before a grieving person feels a lessening of the sadness and devastation. We don’t really get over such a loss, we learn to better cope with and accept reality. However, we can do things for ourselves that restore a sense of purpose and provide structure and meaning to our lives, creating better mental health, even while the grieving process is going on. Being present for your mother is one of the important things you can do. Invite her to activities, or just spend time together doing things she would normally like to do. Include her in your life to the extent that she is willing. Offer to visit, cook a meal together, see a movie or play cards, for example, if those are things she would usually like. Keep trying. Ask her if she would like to talk. Sometimes, grieving can lead to depression that doesn’t let up. Rule of thumb, if it has been over one year since the death of a spouse without some progress forward, then it is time to consult the doctor. In those instances, encourage her to see her doctor to be evaluated for anti-depressant medication on a temporary basis. This can often help get a person get unstuck. Grieving is not a mental illness, but the sometimes accompanying depression can be very hard to overcome without medication. Encourage her to see her doctor if she seems to be “lost” in the process, and find out if medication and or counseling can help.

Irritability and loss of interest in activities a person used to enjoy are two symptoms of depression, but there could be other causes for these two problems. The symptoms are a cause for concern. Encourage your father to see his regular doctor and describe the symptoms. You can tell you father that you are concerned because he doesn’t seem to be having much fun lately, and offer your support in going to the doctor with him if he wants, but especially in following up if he doesn’t make the appointment. If Dad wants to go to the doctor by himself, suggest that he briefly write down some of your specific concerns while still on the phone with you. If depression is the reason for these problems, the good news is that it is successfully treated quite often in seniors.

What are the treatments for depression in older adults?
Older adults generally respond very well to medication for depression. The newer drugs, called “SSRI’s” help with brain chemicals that can be out of balance with depression. Older medications for depression also work very well for some people. Often, a combination of talk therapy and medication is a good solution to the problem, with a 80% success rate in older adults.

You were just having a very average day before your cell phone rang, you answer it. You identify the caller as your mother, however it is a mans voice, the local Emergency Medic on the scene. He tell you your mother fainted, fell to the ground, got scraped up, has many cuts to her neck and face, and needs to be transported to the local hospital for evaluation. Now what do you do? Is this a call for immediate action? If so how will you deal with the emergency after all you live 500 miles away from Mom. Oh yes weren’t you the one Dad told on his death bed, “Please promise me you will always take care of your Mother after I have gone.” Yes my friend you were the one that your father expected would take care of Mom. But that is really unfair, since you have other siblings who can do the job. Actually the reality is your other siblings are FLAKES. You never were able to trust them as kids, they never were responsible as adults, and they never were able to handle their own affairs and money well. Yet now is the time you need them to help carry the Aging Parents Care Burden (APCB)!
So what do you do now that you got the emergency call, take the next airplane out and cancel the rest of your day or week? This experience is not a unique one, and in fact is quite common to now Baby Boomers. However this crisis forces you to re-evaluate your family resources. Are you really totally alone on this one, or is there a way to take leadership from a far and coordinate the local response team? The answer is that this emergency probably does require your immediate advocacy in the hospital. However this crisis situation your serve you as a “wake up call” to do some proactive planning. Once at the local hospital go see the discharge nurse. Ask her to refer you to a private Geriatric Care Manager. This nurse or social work professional can serve as your local coordinator of all the medical and emotional needs of your mother. The professional can evaluate if it is safe for Mom to return from the hospital to the family home, or if she needs additional services to care for her needs including the safety ones. The Geriatric Care Manager can take Mom to doctors appointments and or be there if Mom is admitted to the hospital again in the future. This professional can serve as the “non-emotional” point person to coordinate care with your siblings if they care to help out with Mom.

Remember the best thing you can do for yourself and your Aging Parent is hire a Geriatric Care Manager.

Please check out Carolyn Rosenblatt’s new book “How to find and hire a Care Manager” part of The Boomers Guide to Caring for Aging Parents. It is also available on Amazon.com

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Who ever thought that when we grew up we would have the responsibility of watching over our Aging Parents. Well it is now happening to many of us Baby Boomers. This responsibility can be daunting and overwhelming. I am a psychologist with thirty-five years of professional experience working thousands of families and elders. No one is ever prepared to the deal with the untold challenges caring for Aging Parents takes on ones time, energy, emotions, spirit, and money. Don’t put off to plan ahead, educate yourself now. We have lots of free articles, legal resources, and free advise at Http://www.AgingParents.com

This is a powerpoint presentation on the specific tips on how to ensure that our aging parents maintain good mental wellness.

Presented by Dr. Mikol Davis, Eldercare Psychologist and Carolyn Rosenblatt, R.N., Attorney with AgingParents.com.

Maintaining Mental Wellness for Aging Parents

Carolyn Rosenblatt, R.N., Attorney & Dr. Mikol Davis, Psychologist

Mental Wellness for Aging Parents

Retirement & The Financial Challenges of Aging Parents.

After a long day at work I look forward for some “me-time” after a long work week. But no your responsibility for your aging parent or parents doesnt care how hard you work or if you deserve a break. The challenge of keeping your loved one safe and maintaining their physical and mental health is a 24/7 job. This job is especially challenging if you do not live localily near your aging parents. The best found secret to helping boomers compassionately care for their aging parents from long distance is knowing how to hire and use a geriatric nurse or care manager. My lovely wife who is a nurse-lawyer has recently written an excellent consumer book called “The Boomers Guide to Aging Parents, The Complete Guide.” In it it provides practical advise on how to lessened your burden and responsibility about keeping your aging parents safe. Please take a look at www.AgingParents.com or Amazon to help yourself know your options and solutions to caregiving.